


The mind that brings torture

by Sashaya



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Betrayal, Gen, Hurt, Psychological consequences of torture and betrayal, inspired by "Head of the Snake" ep, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-06-06 18:56:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6765856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sashaya/pseuds/Sashaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No man can survive torture and betrayal and leave with no consequences. </p><p> Trust is such a fragile thing, for some...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The mind that brings torture

**Author's Note:**

> I blame [Z](http://chrisodonline.tumblr.com) and NCIS:LA writers completely for this.
> 
>  ** _Disclaimer:_** I don't owny any characters.
> 
> Warnings: un-beta'ed work.

Day one is easy only because the night zero never really ended, just shifted smoothly like nothing happened. 

Day one starts before night zero can end so Callen doesn’t care. He doesn’t notice.

He lets time flow only because it’s easier than sitting down and saying that nothing is okay, nothing will be fine now. 

Not that G. Callen could say those things, let’s be real. 

Nell laughs and calls him _Superma_ n, Sam names him a ‘ _Special case G.I. Joe_ ’ and Kensi looks at him and knows that he’s made of things that should be said, but he won’t share.

Hetty sees the new iron walls he built himself. She won’t say a thing until it’s too late, when the damage is too big to fix it. When all he made for himself shatters, then she will step in. 

Callen ends the day – the day of his abduction, of being tortured by a _friend_ – with no fanfare, he bids everyone goodbye and disappears in the shadows. 

He won’t wait for Sam to give him a lift because he knows Sam worries, he always does. He needs to be alone.

Night one starts around 5:30 pm and Callen is hoping he’ll tire himself out, that he won’t think just let it all go.

 _Nothing happened_ , he chants.

 _It was just a job_ , he repeats and adds more squats to his workout. 

_Nate didn’t have a choice_ , he convinces himself and starts another sets of push-ups.

 _It’s nothing new_ , he thinks.

It doesn’t help.

Night one starts slowly and it crawls its way around Callen’s neck and he coughs. He braces himself, closes his eyes shut and reminds himself that there’s no water in his lungs. 

Callen straightens his spine and decides a shower is in order. It’s normal for him, after days like this. After long days that starts the night before. Shower is a good way to relax, to wash away the sins he committed because he didn’t have a choice. 

Callen steps in the shower, raises his head and lets the water hit his face. He flinches time and time again, stops himself from running. 

He knows how water-boarding works, how your brain doesn’t want to work later. 

He fights with instincts that keeps him alive because he needs to feel strong, in control. He needs to beat this.

He doesn’t drown himself, doesn’t torture himself more than necessary. His body is stiff and tired after and it might be something he was hoping for. Might be something that he wanted.

Callen drops on his bed (on what he calls a bed but Sam classifies as a rug or a sleep-bag, when he’s more generous) and curls into himself as an only sign of weakness that he’ll allow himself. 

Callen breathes in.

 _One_.

 _Two_.

 _Three_.

His mind rewired itself and now Callen knows he won’t be able to fall asleep.

He’s not afraid of nightmares because he knows they won’t come.

G. sits down, his blanket around his shoulders like a cape. He hugs his knees and rests his head on the wall behind him. 

The house isn’t even dark, it never is in Los Angeles, not when it’s only 11:30 pm.

G. fights with his mind, pushes away all the traitorous thoughts that this day was important, _it wasn’t like any others_.

It’s not the first time a friend had to betray him for a mission.

It’s not the first time a friend wanted him dead.

It’s not the first time a person he trusted turned on him.

He knows how it goes.

He forgives Nate.

Callen mind rebels and he calls himself a liar.

He trusted Nate back when he didn’t know how to trust, back when trust was a too deep word for anyone but Sam and Hetty.

He trusted Nate with his soul and secrets he _hoped_ never would be shared with the world. 

He trusted Nate with his fear of water-boarding because he has been tortured before, he lived to tell the tale and he remembered every time he jumped away from the shower because it was too much.

He told Nate he hated water-boarding.

Nate used this.

Callen mind soothes and strength leaves his bones. There’s no fight left in him, there’s no lies keeping him awake. 

G. cries. Maybe.

He’s dressed in a blanket and shadows and no-one would be able to tell even if he did. 

Right now, he’s _Superman in his Fortress of Solitude_.

Right now, he’s _Special case G.I. Joe in a safe base_.

Right now, he’s figuring out the cons and pros of the walls around him.

He lets them stay. Just adds a tiny door, masks it so no-one would be any wiser. 

G. Callen’s trust breaks and he picks it up slowly, carefully. He tries to glue it back together and he knows it won’t be the same. 

Night one ends with the morning, ends when Callen can’t think anymore.

Night one ends with a phone-call to Hetty that he won’t be coming in today.

Even superheroes need a day-off.


End file.
